That's not an innuendo!
by Navsegda
Summary: "As I was saying, I bet you couldn't even make an innuendo. You're just not dirty-minded enough." Itachi said, and then sighed, smirking once again. "I bet I could.". ItaxSaku one-shot. Because everybody loves the Uchiha.  Crack


A/N: Warnings: innuendoes, sexual references, violence, mild swearing. T rating - tell me if it should be rated M please.

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For the first time in her life, Sakura Haruno did not have anything to say except open her mouth and gape like some kind of mutated goldfish.  
Itachi had just made an innuendo towards her. And boy, was she pissed.

_Itachi. Was. Going. To. Die, _she thought, enunciating every word viciously in her head._  
_

And, just to make things worse for himself, he smirked. One eyebrow raised, eyes smouldering in a way only Uchiha's can achieve, and chuckle in his throat, Itachi thought it was worth the pain just to piss her off.

"Take that!" Sakura screamed as she punched him, her fist creating a whirly-gig in the air and blowing her freaky pink locks around her like an aura. A rather pathetic aura, thought Itachi, because he's a Uchiha, and everyone knows Uchiha's are just superior (_yeah, right_).

Itachi buckled, and briefly wondered if she knew how strong she was.

"Now, now, Sakura-chan, don't you know that one punch can kill?" he said in a condescending tone.

He was obviously enjoying this because -

a). Who doesn't enjoy pissing off Sakura? (_Answer: Only Uchiha. They just get some weird kinda kick out of it_)  
b). He had nothing else to do. . .  
c). Mayybe he's in luuuuuurrveee with Sakura-chan!

"Itachi! How would you like it if I made innuendoes about you?"

"Actually, I wouldn't mind it."

"I'm not bringing myself down to your level."

"I'm already on a higher level than you are." (_Yeah, take that Haruno! Uchiha are superiour!_)

"YOU!" She screamed.

And for the second time in a minute, Itachi buckled over and got his breath back. Her punches seriously winded you.

"As I was saying, I bet you couldn't even make an innuendo. You're just not dirty-minded enough." Itachi said, and then sighed, smirking once again.

"I bet I could."

"What are you willing to bet?"

"Well, what would you like to win? But since you won't be winning anyway, I guess it doesn't matter. . ." she said, smirking now as well.

"Fine then. If I win, I get to touch your boobies!" he laughed.

"ITACHI!" she shouted as she punched him again, only to have him duck and catch her fist.

"Alright, alright. A kiss then? Is that okay for you?"

"Fine. Now prepare to be beaten." she said smugly, a glimmer in her jade eyes.

"Oh, and by the way Sakura-chan, your catchphrases are soooo cliché. . ."

"Itachi, I hate you. Go die."

"Love you too, Sakura-chan. And I thought I was supposed to be hearing this innuendo, yeah?"

"Fine then. If you want it so bad, then here it is."

Itachi giggled (_in a totally non-girlish way of course, because we all know Itachi's just so manly. C'mon, he wears nailpolish and has long hair. That has to be the epitome of manliness!)._

"What?" she asked, puzzled to why he was giggling.

"You said 'If you want it so bad. . .' And you're right Sakura-chan, I do!"

Sakura just decided to ignore him from now on - Itachi being a dickhead isn't good for one's stress levels, you know.

"Sakura-chan, are you ever going to tell me this so-called," he coughed, "pathetic," he coughed again, "innuendo? I don't like waiting you know. . ."

"Just shut up so I can!"

She took a deep breath.  
Sighed.  
Stretched.  
Grabbed a copy of 'OK!' magazine and started reading (no, not really).  
Smiled.  
Grabbed a broom that was randomly leaning against the wall behind her, like a gangsta leaning against an alley wall.  
And said, 'This wood is _sooooo_ hard. . .' in a particularly seductive tone.

Itachi snorted.

'I'm afraid it doesn't cut the cake for me, Sakura-chan. You're not supposed to be _seductive_, you're supposed to be _dirty-minded_. I guess you're just gonna have to try _harder_.'

"You want harder? Fine! I'll give you harder." she said menacingly, not realizing how her words could be taken. _Oh well Sakura-chan, ignorance is bliss, right?_

Itachi chuckled.  
And waited.  
And Sakura went through the same actions as before, except leaving the broom leaning, like a gangsta in an alley way (_because they're just the shizzle, right?_).

"Itachi, I love every bone in your body, especially the one that should be in me." she purred, and winked in an _extremely_ cute fashion, which left Itachi just a little bothered (_if ya know what I mean. . ._).

"Sorry Sakura-chan. Still not good enough. You need to actually have some kind of _effect_ on me." (_yeah Itachi, I guess that doesn't count as an 'effect', just a little 'problem'. . ._)

"What do you mean? How can I not be good enough? I'm being absolutely disgusting and dirty-minded and horrible and rude . . ."

"Let me show you how a master does it. Sakura-chan, would like to get some ice-cream?"

"Yeah. . ." she replied, not sure where this was going.

"What flavour ice-cream do you like?"

"Vanilla!"

"You mean that white, creamy stuff you like to put in your mouth and swallow?"

"Yup!" she grinned.

A second later, she realised what he was talking about (_blonde moment, Sakura-chan!_).

"Eww! That's disgusting Itachi! Omigosh, I can't believe you sometimes!"

"In my defense, you did ask."

"Whatever. I give up."

"You do remember this is a bet, right? 'Cause I know you have these little mental blanks sometimes . . ."

"Yeah, I know it's a bet. And I so do NOT have 'mental blanks'!"

"Denial is not just a river in Egypt, Sakura-chan."

And then Itachi leaned in, and kissed her.

And died, and went to heaven - no, not really.

But he did believe he was in love, for just that one moment then.

But then Sakura knocked him unconscious.

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A/N: Soooo, guys, what do you think? Please review, and tell me any constructive criticism/ways to improve please! This was edited for some punctuation errors.

Thanks for reading.

Some Sort of Deity, over and out.


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